One Step At A Time
by violetwarnercobalt
Summary: Sometimes the stories Tony tells McGee aren't just to scare him, and even when they are, it doesn't mean they aren't true. Slightly AU. rating just incase slightly graphic images some swearing minor slash but no sex/smut set after s2 The Bone Yard.
1. Chapter 1: Nightmares and Flashbacks

_**One Step At A Time  
**___

**_Disclaimer:_** I do not own or am any way affiliated with those that own NCIS, nor am I connected in any way to the shows cast and crew. This is written out of enjoyment (and the fact the idea wouldn't leave my mind) and I am not making any money off of it. So please do not sue.  
_**  
Summary:**_ Sometimes the stories Tony tells McGee aren't just to scare him, and even when they are, it doesn't mean they aren't true. Slightly AU.  
_**  
A/N:**_ I know I have my NCIS/Dark Angel crossover New World (Dis)Order to update but this wouldn't leave my mind and I thought it was best to get it out before it completely blocked me from NW(D)O.

_**A/N (2):**_ This might come across as a bit unbelievable but the idea would not leave me after one of my viewings of the ep (usually watch it for the scene where Tim assumes the guy is Mafia because of his Italian name... God MW is so hot in that scene!)

_**Warnings:**_ Disturbing imagery, graphic imagery, slight slash and slightly AU.

_**Spoilers:**_ 2x05 The Bone Yard_**  
**_

_**

* * *

  
Kate:**__ Tony, didn't you tell me that you worked a case on a live impact range once?  
__**Tony:**__ Yeah that's right. Fort A.P. Hill. Tragic.  
__**McGee:**__ What happened?  
__**Tony:**__ EOD missed ordnance marking a path. BOOM! Agent walking point, a probie, of course, blew his foot off."  
__**McGee:**__ You're kidding, right?  
__**Tony:**__ Of course I'm kidding... Probie._

**NCIS Ep 2x05 The Bone Yard  
**

_**

* * *

**_

Chapter 1: Nightmares and Flashbacks

_McGee could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he walked down the patch of dry, yellowing grass lined with white ribbon. EOD had said that this whole section had been cleared, but after the story Tony had just told him, his fears were anything but calmed. He could hear Tony and Kate laughing and talking about him further back but the sight of unexploded shells made everything else just sound like white noise, his heart thumping furiously with each beat._

_He wiped his brow, there was so much sweat, too much to know that it wasn't just from the blinding sun beating down on them. He watched as his now soaked hand shook in front of him, taking a moment to clench and unclench it to see if it would stop it's trembling. The young Probie took a deep breath and continued his silent prayer to make it out of there alive._

_His steps were slow, his knees felt weak and with each movement he thought that they would buckle beneath him sending him to the ground; eyes sweeping the grass to the front and sides of him. It wasn't until he saw what looked like an unexploded missile to his left that he heard, or maybe he felt, a strange click with his last step._

_Before he knew it he was laying flat on his back, staring up at the almost cloudless blue sky. His ears were ringing but he could still make out the sound of somebody's gut wrenching screams of pain in the distance. It wasn't until his boss' paled face replaced his view of the sky that he realised the screams weren't in the distance but were coming from his own throat. Suddenly the world that had been dulled only a second ago came rushing back full force. He could hear his own screams as if the volume of his voice had be turned up to the highest possible level, despite that he could also hear Gibbs alternating between yelling to Ducky for help ASAP and for someone to call an ambulance, while also whispering to him that help was on it's way and that he was going to be ok, that he didn't have permission from him to die, not today, not ever._

_Even though the silver haired man had a strong grip on his shoulders to keep him laying down, Tim somehow forced himself into a semi sitting position, not that far off the ground but just high enough to be able to look down at his feet. He didn't think it at all possible but, when he saw what had happened to him, his screams became even louder. What he saw was his left foot missing its partner, his right leg ending suddenly just above where his ankle once was, in a jagged mess of crimson blood, torn flesh and jagged white bone..._

Bolting upright in bed, Tony struggled to get his breathing under control. Rubbing his eyes with his index finger and thumb to clear away the crustiness of sleep and the memory of the dream he'd just awoken from, as well as hoping to fight off the blinding pain which he could feel growing, he could tell that the sheets beneath him were now soaked with, what he could only hope, was sweat.

When he only achieved at removing the gunk that caked his eye lashes Tony swung his legs over the side of the bed and wearing nothing but his silk boxers he slowly, and slightly unsteadily, made his way to the adjoining bathroom, leaning heavily on the walls and furniture within his reach to keep upright. He was somewhat glad at the fact this nightmare, unlike every other one he had had in the past, hadn't woken up the sleeping form still in the bed that was his lover. The two had spent many a sleepless night because of the dreams that had plagued him and Tony always felt guilty the next day when he saw the bags and darkened circles under his partner's eyes.

When he finally reached the white porcelain sink, the Italian man only had enough time to catch a quick glance at his damp, pale face in the mirrored doors of the medicine cabinet before he doubled over and emptied the contents of his stomach into the now splattered basin.

After a minute or so of dry heaving, which followed the five or so minutes of his body ridding itself of everything he had ever consumed, Tony rested his warmed forehead against the cool glass of the mirror, his knuckles long ago turned white as he gripped the rim of the sink to keep himself from falling to the ground. He didn't give a damn that as the water from the faucet rushed into the sink drops of both vomit and the warm water were flicked up into the air, only to be stopped by his bare chest.

The sound of the running water and the beating of his heart must have drowned out all the other sounds in the almost silent house and Tony was startled to see his reflection was not the only one in the cabinet door when he finally found enough energy to raise his head. The lovers stared silently at each other in the mirror, not needing words to communicate, until the younger of the two opened the door, banishing both reflections, and grabbed out an orange pill bottle.

Gibbs made his way across the small bathroom, wrapping one arm around Tony's waist to both comfort and hold him up, his other hand snaked it's way to turn off the tap and back to join the other. As Gibbs rested his head on his younger lover's shoulder, gently kissing the smooth pink flesh, Tony leant against Jethro's chest, allowing him to remove both hands from their resting spot, opening the bottle and shaking out two of the small, white pills into his palm, throwing them in his mouth and swallowing them without any water.

"You in pain?" It was a soft, loving voice Tony would never hear at work from his boss, but one he had grown accustomed to at home from the man he loved, especially on nights like these.

"Yeah, a bit, not sure whether it's real or all in my head though. Guess we'll know as soon as the painkillers kick in." There was a defeated tone to Tony's honesty that Gibbs hadn't heard in a while. It broke his heart to hear his lover like this and he couldn't help but embrace him a just a tiny bit tighter, hoping the firm grip would give him strength.

"Come 'ere" grabbing one of his hands to offer support, the ex-marine silently instructed a hopping Tony to sit down on the now closed toilet seat cover. Lowering himself down on one knee in front of the seated man Gibbs grabbed Tony's right leg, placing it on his own raised knee, he moved his hands down the calf, massaging the curved end where the man's foot, ankle and three or so inches of leg used to be.

Gibbs had hoped that Tony would make a joke about being surprised the older man could still get down into that position after being married so many times. Instead he just watched as the younger man rested against the back of the toilet, eyes closed and his brow furrowed as he gripped the sides of the lid. The lack of humour after one of his nightmares wasn't uncommon but Jethro always hoped to hear Tony's deep laugh that followed a joke.

"Sorry if I woke you, I didn't think you'd heard me this time. Was it the screaming from the dream or the vomiting that followed?"

"Neither, actually, I guess somewhere in my gut I could feel that you weren't beside me any more." He was relieved when Tony's eyes remained closed, he knew that if the man was to look into his eyes he would be able to see clearly the lies.

Well, technically it wasn't a lie, Jethro could always tell when the other man was absent from his bed; however this night it was the dream that woke him up. He could feel Tony tossing and turning, whimpering in pain beside him, long before he had even started to scream. At first he had attempted to wake him up, calling his name and gently shaking his shoulder, at one point even resorting to a gentle head slap as a last ditch effort. Gibbs knew where the dream was headed, even though he didn't know how it was playing out in the younger man's head and the thought of what was about to happen terrified him. When he was unsuccessful at waking Tony he had simply rolled over to face the window and letting the dream play out like Dr. Hunt, Tony's shrink, had recommended. He had never agreed with that method, it was too similar to just sitting back and letting a baby cry, and it pained Gibbs more than anything when the dream reached it's climax. But Tony had told him after one of the more terrifying dreams that sometimes he needed to let them play out, even if they did bring back all the painful memories.

The marine and senior field agent in Gibbs knew that sometimes people just needed to deal with issues on their own, but the lover in him, whose partner kept having dreams that flashed back to day he lost his foot, just didn't, couldn't and wouldn't, agree.

"You want to talk about it? The dream I mean." As he continued to massage the limb he could feel the remaining muscle knotted and cramped beneath the heavily scarred tissue. The massaging barely accomplished getting all of them out and he knew it must be causing it's owner agony.

Tony inhaled deeply, gripping the seat harder, he mentally prepared himself for the routine the two men had been through countless times. "It played out the same way as every other dream I have had since I..."

It was one of the things Tony rarely said out loud, the fact that he had lost the lower part of his right leg, even after the three years that had passed since it happened. Even to Gibbs he almost never spoke those words, and Gibbs had been there with him when it happened, with him in both the hospital and rehab centre and he was there beside him the day Tony came back to work on his first prosthetic foot, walking stick in hand and confined to a desk. Gibbs had been the one to receive the brunt of the struggling man's anger, tears, fear and the bouts of depression.

Tony had been working at NCIS for a little over half a year when it had happened and even though Gibbs and Tony were together at the time, they had only been in a relationship for no more than six weeks. A relationship which had still been in the secret, between the two of them, stage at that point; though it could still be considered that now with only Abby, Ducky and Director Morrow knowing the truth. There had been more than a few times in the early days after Tony's accident that it looked as though the couple wouldn't make it, Tony wondering how Gibbs could love the crippled freak that he had become, but they had survived and they knew they were stronger for it.

"This one was different, though, wasn't it." Tony slightly nodded and reached out, desperately seeking Gibbs' hand for support.

"This time it wasn't me, I mean I saw everything as if it was me and pretty much everything happened the same way, but I was in someone else's body... everything that happened was happening to McGee..." taking a deep, shaky breath, a tear escaped through one of Tony's still closed eyes and he continued on, struggling to get the words out "I should... I should never have told Tim that story... But Kate... Kate mentioned it... and I just... just wanted to scare McGee... you know, tease the Probie... Oh God, Gibbs what if I'd scared him so much that... that he made a mistake..." Tony's eyes shot open at his final realisation and Gibbs saw the pain and fear in them. "Oh God, Jet, I could have gotten the kid killed!"

Still holding Tony's hand Gibbs stopped massaging with the other to free up the hand. Tony looked about one step away from hyperventilating and he couldn't let that happen, so, bringing the hand he held to his chest above his heart and, with the now empty hand, bringing the brunette's head to his, foreheads touching, he allowed the younger man to feel his heart beat and breathe in the scent of coffee and sawdust. A combination that Tony had said always helped.

"You know what Tony, I was damned proud of you today." feeling Tony's head shake against his Gibbs' lifted his chin up with a finger, blue eyes filled with an abundance of love and pride met green eyes filled with just as much fear and pain.

"No... but... I messed up..." It still stunned Gibbs that even after hundreds of hours of therapy and all of those nights the two men had spent going over the same discussions, Tony was still so emotionally broken.

"I don't want to hear you talking like that, you got me? You didn't mess up. If anything, by telling McGee that story you made him more cautious and in a situation like he was today that is not a bad thing. You wanna know why you made me proud today Anthony?" Pausing for a minute, waiting for a response he doubted would come. The only indication that Tony had even heard the older man was a glint in his eyes at the use of his given name, Gibbs continued. "It was the first time since losing your foot that we were assigned a case on a live impact range. It was the first time you had been forced into that situation again and you handled it like a pro. I'm serious Tony, I could see how scared you were being there today but you didn't let it take you over, you joked around with your team, you did your job and no one even noticed anything was wrong. If I hadn't have known you as well as I do I would have just guessed you were your normal self. That's why I am proud of you."

Hearing Gibbs' words of encouragement Tony felt his emotional walls come crashing down. He knew neither his lover nor his boss would lie about something like that, especially not to him and it was the final straw in a mentally and emotionally hard day. Sitting there in the bathroom Tony gripped Gibbs' faded NIS t-shirt and broke down. As the younger man's body shook with each sob, Gibbs ignored the pain in his bended knee and rubbed circles on the man's bare back.

"Oh God Jet... I didn't think... I mean being there... It just... It brought it all back... and then Kate... Kate mentioned the story and... and I didn't even remember ever telling her about it... and it was all to familiar..." DiNozzo was gulping at the air trying to get enough oxygen to calm his crying but the more he talked about it the harder it became. "Then there was McGee... and... and I was waiting... expecting him to step on something... I thought that was when I was going to loose it... but he made it all the way... didn't step on anything... nothing blowing... blowing him up... taking away his... and you know what was the first thing I thought when I saw that he made it to the body?"

Gibbs didn't know what to say as Tony's voice grew louder and angrier, all he could manage was a soft shake of his head. "I th... thought... Why the hell did McGee make it back home in one piece when I didn't? Why the hell does a kid with no experience in the real world survive and... and I loose... I loose a foot... I'm a damn cripple, Gibbs, and McGee is perfectly fucking fine!" It was as if all the energy had left Tony's body with his outburst, collapsing deeper into his partners arms, he let a tearless sob escape through his lips and whispered "Why me Gibbs? Why did this have to happen to me? It's not fair..."

Leroy Jethro Gibbs, a man who came across to most people as an emotionless bastard, was himself on the verge of breaking down. He had asked himself the same question Tony had just asked every day since his lover had stepped on that explosive, more so during those countless hours he spent in the hospital with Tony, the follow up surgeries, rehab, therapy sessions and the once nightly flashbacks.

It wasn't as if the younger man had been careless the day it happened, Gibbs had actually been shocked to see the normally hyperactive ex Baltimore PD Detective so calm and focused, but DiNozzo had ended up being the one to pay for EOD's mistake with one limb in tatters, scars covering the other three, a medicine cabinet full of pills and a lifetime of therapy ahead just to battle to learn to deal with a serious case of Post Traumatic Stress.

The tears, struggle for breath and trembling had left the younger man as exhaustion began to set in. Holding him back at arms length, looking him right in the eyes, Gibbs raised a hand to caress Tony's cheek.

"I know you probably don't want to go back to sleep after the nightmare you just had but you're exhausted, why don't you have a quick shower and change while I fix up the bed."

Gibbs struggled a bit to get to his feet and once he was standing he helped Tony do the same. As Tony rubbed his face with one of his hands, the other holding on to the silver haired man's shoulder for balance, he began to talk, hiding himself away beneath the hand "It wasn't just sweat was it." it was spoken as a statement but Gibbs replied anyway.

"No, it wasn't, but you were relieving every second of that moment again so it's understandable"

"Understandable my fuckin' arse! I am a 33 year old man and I fuckin' wet the bed, no matter what I was dreaming there is no excuse for that Jethro!" his previously pale face was tinged red with a mix of embarrassment and anger at himself for letting both his body and his mind betray him.

Ignoring the outburst the older man just led his partner to the shower and sat him down on the plastic chair they had placed in there for when Tony was too exhausted to keep his balance on his only remaining foot. Gibbs kissed his brow as he expertly stripped away the damp boxer shorts and he turned on both taps, checking the temperature of the water before leaving the man to clean up himself.

Back in the bedroom Jethro took a moment to sadly examine the almost black spot on the dark blue bed sheets. Even though Tony had had an indecipherable number of dreams where he relieved that same moment over and over again he hadn't wet the bed since he had been out of the rehab centre a month or so.

Dr. Hunt had explained that one of the symptoms of Tony's PTSD was the vivid flashbacks which had his dreams playing out the same way as the events of that fateful day. The screams and the pain in his leg would be just as real now as they were then, which apparently proved the same for the fact that Tony had wet himself after getting a glimpse at his mutilated limb.

Removing the sheets from the bed and tossing them into the laundry hamper with Tony's boxers, the older man took the time to flip over the heavy, king sized mattress, putting cleaning the wet spot out of his mind until a more reasonable hour of the morning, before remaking the bed.

Grabbing a fresh pair of shorts out of Tony's top drawer, as well as an extra towel, Gibbs made his way to the ensuite when he heard the younger man shut off the water. He leant against the shower door and watched as the physically fit Italian dried and dressed, taking the time to appreciate that, while he may be a bit broken physically and mentally, his lover was alive and standing before him.

After Tony was through in the bathroom they both made their way back to the bed, the younger of the two getting in first and holding the covers open for the other man to do the same. Both knew that neither would be getting any sleep for the rest of the night, but as Gibbs pulled DiNozzo toward his chest they were content enough just to lay awake together in the warm embrace.

Gibbs was worried about what impact Tony's most recent nightmare would have on him at work the next day, especially considering they were still finishing off the case that had brought back the memories. He knew it would be useless to try and convince the younger man to take the day off, if he really wanted to he could probably order his partner to call in sick but that would just leave Tony at home all day, by himself in a depressed state to go over everything in his mind time and time again, and that was never a good idea.

Stroking the mop of brown hair in front of him Gibbs could only hope that the painkillers Tony had taken would provide him enough relief to be able to catch a couple of hours of dreamless sleep.

Whatever the day that laid ahead would bring they would have to deal with it then, no use worrying about it now.

* * *

A/N: Did you guess that the dream was actually Tony in the form of McGee? There was a hint in there that it was. This was actually extremely difficult for me to write even though the words flowed freely... I had to take quite a few breaks from writing this (especially from the opening dream sequence) as imagining it was making me sick to my stomach, those sorts of scenes is the main reasons why I don't watch movies centred around wars, it is just too graphic for me, bombs exploding everywhere. Which probably has you wondering why I bothered writing it... well blame my muse... she just wouldn't let me be on this. I think I need to go now and empty the contents of my stomach.

Thoughts?


	2. Chapter 2: Contemplation and Frustration

_**One Step At A Time**_**_

* * *

_****_Disclaimer:_** I do not own or am any way affiliated with those that own NCIS, nor am I connected in any way to the shows cast and crew. This is written out of enjoyment (and the fact the idea wouldn't leave my mind) and I am not making any money off of it. So please do not sue.

_**AU:**_ I know the timeline of the episode doesn't really fit in with this fic but it works better for me if the case was wrapped up in one day... Hey I did state that it was slightly AU.

* * *

**_Chapter 2: Contemplation and Frustration_**

It was by pure chance that Kate and McGee arrived at the same time the next morning. After exchanging pleasantries as they passed through security and got into the elevator, they rode for a couple of minutes in a semi-comfortable silence before McGee began to fidget.

"Spit it out Tim. The way you're practically dancing around there tells me you have something you need to say, so I am giving you one chance and one chance only to take advantage of my amazing listening skills. However if you don't take this offer up straight away and you keep dancing around like that you and me are going to grapple again and you know how well that ended the first time."

McGee paled a little and couldn't help but think that maybe Kate had been spending just a little too much time with Gibbs and DiNozzo lately. As the thought of Kate kicking the hell out of his manhood didn't appeal to him, the younger agent decided it would be better if he spoke up.

"I was just... uh... thinking about the story Tony told me yesterday, you know... uh... the one about the probie who blew his foot off? Do ya think he was telling the truth?" It was an image that had haunted him during the night, the thought of another agent, especially a probie like him, making one wrong move and being maimed for life. At one point he had woken up screaming and sweating from a nightmare where he was the one to be blown apart. Even now it sent a shudder through his whole body and the image the writer in him had conjured up left him suppressing the urge to vomit.

"McGee, I can't believe you fell for that!" Kate paused while they got out on their floor "He was just trying to scare you Tim, you should be used to that sort of thing from Tony by now." she dropped her bag down on her desk but McGee had yet to walk over to his.

"Are you sure Kate, because the way Tony was telling it it sounded like it could have been true..." his female colleague gave him an incredulous look and shook her head, strands of brown hair slipping in front of her eyes.

"What could have been true McGee?" both of the agents were shocked at Gibbs' sudden appearance, the man always seemed to be hiding around some corner, just waiting to scare the crap out of them.

"uh... um... well boss Kate and I were... um..." Gibbs gave the stuttering probie an unamused glare and turned to Kate, an unspoken order passing between the two for her to continue.

"McGee was just wondering if a story Tony told him yesterday was true or not. I told him Tony said it just to freak him out but McGee has convinced himself that the story of an NCIS agent stepping on an explosive and blowing off his foot is true." She didn't know what it was but something flashed across the senior agents face that unsettled her.

"This is what you two are doing instead of writing out your reports? GET TO WORK!" Gibbs heart pounded in his chest and hoped Tony hadn't heard his team mate's topic of conversation, after the flashback the younger man had had early that morning, he didn't know what to expect if the other man had. The last thing DiNozzo needed was for his team mates to be spreading gossip like that. It had taken almost a year after Tony had come back to work after he had stepped on the damn thing for the gossip had died down and now definitely wasn't the time for all of that to resurface.

Casting a glance over his lover's desk he noticed for the first time that it was empty. Even though they lived together Tony and Gibbs, more often than not, drove into woke separately to keep up appearances, they were after all heavily connected to the Navy and Marine Corps and with the whole don't ask don't tell policy in full force it was just safer that way. However that morning they had left the house at around the same time so he had expected Tony to be in by now.

"Where the hell is DiNozzo?" The silver haired man hadn't meant his words to come out as harsh as they did but he couldn't deny the gnawing in his gut that something was wrong. Every time Tony was transported back to the day of the explosion, whether it be from a dream or a different kind of reminder, Gibbs had a flash back of his own to the blank green eyes of the man in a hospital bed who was screaming at him, letting him know that Tony had wished Gibbs and Ducky had both let him die out there in that field and that his life was pointless now.

"Don't know Gibbs, we just got here ourselves, it's only 0800 now, it's not like he is exactly late yet." A look passed between Kate and McGee for their co-worker who would have hell to pay when he turned up if Gibbs had anything to do with it. "Is there something wrong?"

Ignoring the question Gibbs stormed towards his desk, dumping the half full cup of coffee in the trash can; suddenly he didn't feel much like drinking, the uneasiness in his gut making him queasy. He had only just picked up the handset of the charcoal phone on his desk when the dinging of the elevator indicated someone had arrived on their floor.

When he first realised it was Tony stepping off of it a wave of undeniable relief washed over Gibbs, on second glance however his stomach once again became knotted. To anyone else it may have looked like the senior field agent was his normal, though slightly less than perky, self but Gibbs knew that the smile plastered on that face was a fake.

What was a little more obvious was the limp. After the amount of time DiNozzo had spent with the prosthetic, especially after the gruelling hours of learning to walk again, his stride was pretty much flawless, only faulting him after too many hours without a rest, an overtaxing run, or even after being pushed out of a plane. Doubting any of those were a factor to the misstep it left only one conclusion, Tony was still in pain from the dream.

Not a word was spoken between the four members of team Gibbs as Tony made his trip from the elevator to his desk, slightly slower than usual given the limp. Nor when he opened his desk drawer and deposited the Sig from the brown leather shoulder holster.

"DiNozzo, with me!" Gibbs crooked a finger and pointed to the oft used elevator, heading towards it with his partner on his heels.

Once inside the otherwise empty elevator Gibbs leaned over and flicked the emergency switch.

"How you doin' Tony?" DiNozzo was taken back by the soft, concerned tone of voice, this wasn't work Gibbs, the very scary special agent, no this was home Gibbs, it was his lover talking, this was Jet.

Nervously scratching the back of his neck Tony gave off an exhausted sigh "I'm fine, honestly I have been better, but I'm fine."

"Your leg still bothering you?"

"When doesn't it bother me?" the humourless chuckle seemed bitter and it made Gibbs see he had phrased the question wrong. The incomplete leg was a source of much embarrassment and shame in the younger man's mind that even while at home by himself or just Jethro the fake foot was present, and when the pain was too bad to wear it he kept it wrapped up in needless bandages or covered with long pants and blankets.

"You know what I meant, you're obviously still in pain."

"Of course I fuckin' know what you meant! Yeah, the head and leg are still in argument over what is real or not..." Like many amputees Tony often had phantom pains tricking him into thinking the foot was still there. Even worse was that on top of the phantom pain and the pain caused by overuse, was the pain the dreams caused, a bizarre in-between pain that had his leg feeling like it had just been torn apart again.

"I want you to take it easy today. If any luck we won't get called out on a new case so it will be just finishing reports and working on cold cases. I want you to let me know if it gets any worse or you need a break. If the pain gets too bad I want you to go down and see Ducky straight away."

"God damn it! I am not a fucking child that needs to be coddled. I am a grown fuckin' man, a senior field agent in fact, your senior field agent if I'm correct. Stop fuckin' babying me, I. Don't. Need. It!" Tony dropped his head to his hands as soon as his outburst was over "I'm sorry Jet... It's just... I just need you to treat me like you would anyone else sometimes... I... I just need you to see me as normal."

Tony's anger was a common occurrence when he got into one of his depressive states, usually brought on by one of the nightmares, so Gibbs had gotten good at just ignoring them and letting the slide. Hell it was much healthier for his lover to get it all off of his chest the to leave it bottled up inside and it was better that he took it out on someone who knew the cause and didn't take it personally as opposed to someone connected to one of their cases.

"I know and I'm sorry if sometimes I get a bit carried away, I just need to know that you are alright..." Jethro trailed off and, running a hand through the back of Tony's hair, the two men spent a minute staring deeply into each other's eyes, so many things passing between them until a silent understanding was reached.

When he saw that the green eyes understood what he was trying to convey the blue eyed man brought their two heads together and gave Tony a quick but passionate peck on the lips.

They stood in silence as Gibbs restarted the lift, a dozen or so people probably waiting for them to free it up, though most people in the office took the stairs if they knew Gibbs was in the office that day.

Before the doors could open the older man raised a hand and slapped the back of the other man's head and without turning to look at him added "If you're ever even a minute late again without a damn good excuse DiNozzo, you will have me to deal with."

Though stunned still for a moment a genuine smile made it's way on to Tony's face and a hand unconsciously moved to rub the warmed spot as they both stepped into the bullpen. The slaps to the back of the head had been one of the things to get the younger man through the agony inducing rehabilitation to learn how to walk again and Tony still saw them as a sign that, even though he may despise the way he looks and be a total jackass sometimes, Gibbs still loved him and was not going to give up on him.

"I'll be down in autopsy, I want your reports on my desk by the time I get back!" gruffly huffed out as he passed through the squad room.

Kate and McGee waited until Gibbs was out of sight before getting up to stand in front of Tony's desk. He tried to ignore his two fellow agents and get his report down but they were annoyingly persistent that morning and wouldn't let up.

"So what did you do to piss off the boss this time Tony? I mean you weren't even a minute late and he takes you into the elevator and only to come out a couple of minutes later after obviously being head slapped?" Kate gave a wicked grin, shared a look with McGee and then back at the man in question.

"What makes you think I did anything wrong Katie? Maybe the boss just wanted to tell me how good I was looking today..." At Kate's very un-ladylike snort of disbelief Tony smirked a little knowing that if his lover had have been there they would have shared a look of amusement and love.

"Does she have a name?" McGee, with Kate's help, was becoming increasingly better at getting back at Tony for all the times the other man had tortured him.

"Who does Probie?"

"The women who obviously knocked you back last night. With the slight limp you have this morning I just assumed you hit on some sorority girl and she automatically went into attack mode and kicked you in the you-know-where..."

Not bothering to look up Tony could feel the mask he had set in place that morning start to crack. He knew Jethro would immediately notice the limp, and maybe Ducky, Abby and one or two of the other agents, but that was because they knew there was a reason he had a limp. It worried him that he was so far off of his game that the inexperienced junior agent noticed it as well. He quickly struggled to regain his composure before the other two noticed anything wrong and while, on the surface, he sounded like the normal cocky DiNozzo, childish frat boy jock, something was lacking.

"What you mean like Kate did to you yesterday McNeutered?" Kate snorted again and the probie blanched "Not that it's any of your business but there was no woman, the old college injury is playing up a bit."

"Admit it DiNozzo, Gibbs took you down hard in the ring yesterday. You should really take some sort of lessons or one day it won't be Gibbs that knocks you out." Tony gave her his imitation of the Gibbs death glare but she just smiled that same wicked little grin "If you really want Tony I would be more than happy to give you some pointers!"

The Italian didn't know what it was, maybe it was the nasty comments or maybe it was the limp and the feeling of uselessness he had already felt, but he was about to snap at Kate worse than he had ever snapped at Gibbs. Clenching and unclenching his fists under the desk he tried to calm his emotions yet again. He took deep breaths as he counted to ten just like Hunt had showed him and even though it was helping some it didn't completely dissolve his anger.

"Don't you two have work you could be doing instead of bugging the hell out of me. This is a Federal Agency and there are some people out there in the real world who need us to act like mature adults and not a bunch of fourth graders"

McGee, being the green Probie he was, jumped slightly at the bite in Tony's words and fumbled his way back to his own desk. Kate, however, was fuming and while she spun on her heel and went back to her desk it wasn't before muttering under her breath "Pot meet kettle"

"What was that Kate?" It was getting harder and harder for Tony to contain his anger towards the female agent but he needed to because he was afraid of what would slip out if he didn't.

"I said that's the pot calling the kettle black, you are the most immature person in this whole entire agency. Half the time I wonder why in hell Gibbs still keeps you around!" She didn't mean her words to be so cruel and she definitely did not expect the reaction Tony had to them.

As soon as he had opened his mouth to reply Kate felt guilty, his voice was defeated, barely above a whisper and had a childlike innocence, he looked as though she had just kicked his puppy.

"You're not the only one Kate..."

Both Kate and McGee exchanged a look across the bullpen, a look of confusion and worry. Knowing their partner would not open up about it Kate just shrugged at the newest agent on team Gibbs and they both went to work on their reports, every so often one of them glancing up to see the second in command silent and his shoulders slumped in exhaustion and hopelessness.

* * *

A/N: Originally this was going to be a one shot but like the rest of my one shots it grew, then I had been stating it would only be three chapters, however my muse has taken over again and made me write more, it was still going to be 3 chapters but then they would be ridiculously long ones and I thought it better to end chapter 2 here.

Thoughts?


	3. Chapter 3: Conversations and Revelations

_**One Step At A Time**_

* * *

_**  
Disclaimer:**_ I do not own or am any way affiliated with those that own NCIS, nor am I connected in any way to the shows cast and crew. This is written out of enjoyment (and the fact the idea wouldn't leave my mind) and I am not making any money off of it. So please do not sue.

_**A/N:**_ This was originally meant to be included in chapter 2 (and the title of this had been planned for the title of the previous chapter) however I decided to shorten it and separate the two halves. Will probably do the same with what I had planned for the original chapter 3.

* * *

**_Chapter 3: Conversations and Revelations_**

As he entered autopsy, Gibbs couldn't get rid of the urge to run back up to his lover and hold him in his arms, he also couldn't deny the nagging feeling he had in the pit of his stomach that was telling him that this day wasn't going to end well.

He thanked God that Ducky was alone, well apart from the burnt and dismembered body from the day before. The Scotsman had been the one Jethro vented to all throughout Tony's recovery and when the dreams came and went. Many times Gibbs had come into that same room and spat out everything that was keeping him up at night. The older man always seemed to know just what to do and say to bring back the ex-Marine's focus, and he always knew when there was more going on beneath the surface than Jethro was letting on.

It was part of the reason Ducky had found out about the relationship between boss and subordinate. He'd found the silver haired man crouched in a corner of Bethesda, face hidden by calloused hands covered in blood, the day Tony had been rushed into surgery to clean and close the remains of the damaged leg. Having known Jethro for quite a while the ME knew that the reaction went far beyond the worry of a colleague, Ducky had been with Gibbs when Stan Burley had been shot during a raid. The reactions were so vastly different that Ducky had basically interrogated Gibbs the whole four hours it took for Tony's surgery and Gibbs in return had revealed everything.

Every time Jethro had left the hospital after visiting hours, every time Tony had a follow up surgery, after every rehab session and sleepless night, Ducky had been paid a visit or had received a phone call. As Tony had begun to recover and heal and life returned to the new form of normalcy for the couple, the visits about Tony had lessened, that didn't stop Jethro still seeking out his friend when dealing with a rough case, the politics that came with the job or even a bitter ex-wife. Gibbs' relationship with DiNozzo wasn't the only one that had gotten stronger after that fateful day.

Hearing the whoosh of the doors and knowing Palmer was busy up in Abby's lab, Ducky didn't have to be a genius to guess who his visitor was.

"Jethro, to what do I owe this pleasure?" It wasn't until the doctor turned around from examining the body that he saw the worn out look that graced his friend's face "Ah, there is only one person in this world that can put such a look on your face. Am I right in assuming you have come to speak with me about young Anthony?"

Walking over to his desk and pulling out the chair, Ducky gently guided the special agent to sit while he, himself, leant against the desk in front of him.

"He's not doing so good Duck... the flashbacks returned last night." the resigned tone the words were spoken in caused Mallard's face to fall in sympathy for what both the man and his partner had to endure.

"May I ask what... Oh dear, Jethro I didn't realise, if I had I would have made you come to me sooner." It didn't take a genius to know that the most recent case and the location of the crime scene had been the trigger for the night terrors and Ducky was mentally kicking himself for getting so caught up in work that he didn't notice that it would bring old memories back to the surface for his friends.

"Tom had been trying to keep us from getting cases on live impact ranges, but yesterday was unavoidable, all the other teams were swamped, he had to give it to us. I thought it was over Duck, I really wanted to believe he was better, but this damn Napolitano case has brought it all back..." Gibbs tried to keep his anger in check, even the mere thought of the man who had dumped an unconscious and undercover FBI agent in the middle of a field of explosives, had his jaw tightening dangerously. He should have been pissed about the needless killing of a good agent, however he was furious that the case had tormented the fragile mind of his lover.

"When was the last time Anthony had one of his nightmares?"

"Last year, after the Dorn case."

"Yes, I think I remember that one, a man searching through a dumpster in Clarksburg stumbled upon the leg of PFC Thomas Dorn, turned out his half sister and her mother killed and dismembered him for the insurance money."

"His right leg." Gibbs replied with a curt nod and his mind wandered back over Tony's reaction to the perfectly dismembered leg.

The nightmares hadn't been as severe then as they were now, but the younger man had woken up every night for a week crying out in pain. Dorn's leg had been almost flawlessly removed from it's owner, despite the tools used for the actual dismemberment, and if the Marine had still been alive there would have been a good chance that the limb could have been reattached. Tony hadn't been so lucky, reattachment was impossible when the foot had been blown apart and remnants spread for miles.

During the case and at the office Tony had tried in vain to distract himself with finding out the truth about Kate's tattoo, when it was just the two lovers at home it had been a different story and the injured man had been haunted by the past and present realities.

Ducky stared intently at the silent man seated in front of him, examining him as he would one of the bodies on his table. The ME didn't often get the gut feelings that Leroy Jethro Gibbs was known for but right then his was telling him the worst.

"Is there something you're not telling me about Anthony's flashback? He's not thinking of trying anything stupid again is he?" He couldn't help but worry about the man who had become a surrogate grandson to him, Tony had been in a dark place three years ago and no one wanted him to go back there.

"God I hope not Duck, we've been talking through the dreams when they come and the good days far out way the bad now, bot to mention he still sees Hunt at least once a week, it's just that..." Gibbs had to steer himself up for what he was about to say, partly because he wasn't a man that talked about the difficult topics, but also because he knew how pissed and embarrassed his lover would be to know he was sharing such private details with a colleague, no matter how many times Ducky had been witness to the nightmares as well. "It was a bad one last night, like the ones he had just after it happened... Duck," he let the sigh escape and shook his head "he wet the bed..."

"Oh that poor boy, I am sure that must have been terrible for him. Why I remember a lad who had been in Vietnam..." Ducky's rant was cut off immediately by the death glare sent his way and he mumbled out an apology.

"That dream hit him hard, it wasn't just the... well you know... I mean it really affected him, he came into work today limping because the pain from the dream was still there." It was an odd mix of exhaustion, sadness and anger that came out with Gibbs' words and the doctor didn't know which one to react to.

"I wish I could help him with that and I know both you and Anthony have been told this a million times but the phantom pains that our boy experiences are hard, actually almost impossible, to deal with. The mind is a tricky thing and painkillers just will not do the trick."

"I know... I just... feel so God damn hopeless that I can't do anything for him, he is in so much pain both physically and mentally and I just have to sit back and suck it up while his own body tortures him. I hate being so useless." anger seemed to take over and Ducky had to place a hand on the man's shoulder to stop him from getting up, knowing it would likely lead to him punching something.

"You are by no means useless to him Jethro, just imagine how much worse off Anthony would be if he didn't have you to lean on? To talk through the flashbacks, vent his anger or hold him while he cries? I don't want to even dare think about what would happen if he didn't have you, as you would say 'on his six'. You being there is enough for him."

The blue eyed visitor's reply was halted as his phone began to ring. Ducky couldn't help but curse technology at times, it would have been much simpler to have their face to face conversations if they were living in the past.

"What the hell do you want Fornell?... Yeah, I'll be there in a second... Damn it Tobias! Some federal agencies do actually do work you know!...No, I'm on my way." Ducky laughed as the phone was closed, ending the conversation without so much as a goodbye. "Sorry Duck, gotta cut this one a bit short, Morrow wants a meeting with Fornell and I up in MTAC about the case." Shoving the offending cell into his pocket Gibbs got up and started for the door.

"Just one question before you go Jethro." the addressed man paused and turned to face his friend "Have you spoken with someone professionally about Anthony's accident? You do know you were just as much emotionally affected as he was."

A small smile flashed on the gruff man's face "That's what you're here for doctor..." and as he got into the elevator he added genuinely "Thanks Duck".

While Gibbs had been down speaking to the medical examiner, Kate and McGee had gone on a coffee run to escape the tension and uncomfortable silence of the bullpen.

Tony had not spoken a word to either of his two fellow agents, he had kept his eyes focused on his computer monitor, first typing up the report and then searching through the cold cases he had piled up beside him. He hadn't even bothered to answer the Probie when he'd asked if the normally boisterous man had wanted them to bring him back anything.

During their outing to the coffee shop, McGee had picked up a Caf-Pow with every intention of going down to see Abby and bribing her for any information she might have about the truth of Tony's story, absolutely nothing happened at NCIS that the Goth didn't know about and as Abby had been working there longer than Tony there was a good chance she knew about the Probie who had lost a foot.

Passing through security and waiting for the elevator in complete silence just as he and Kate had done that morning, the junior agent was trying to work out how he was going to bring up such an intense topic with his friend and sometime lover.

Tim didn't have to worry about pressing the button to go down to Abby's lab, when the elevator doors opened they slowly revealed the perky Goth leaning against the silver panelling of the back wall.

"Timmy! Did you bring me a Caf-Pow? I was just about to go out and pick one up! I think you are my new hero!" now blushing slightly Tim was already regretting the decision to enable her addiction for his own gain, it seemed as if she had had one too many of the caffeinated beverages already. However, knowing he could never withstand the power she had over him he handed the drink to her out stretched hand.

"Abby..." McGee couldn't keep the nervousness out of his voice, he need to know the truth about Tony's tale but he was almost too afraid to hear if it was real.

Abby didn't reply until after taking a giant slurp from the large plastic cup in her hands "Yes Timmy? You have a question to ask? Oh, does that make me Dear Abby? Maybe I could get my on advice column in the NCIS newsletter!"

"Abs, does NCIS even have a newsletter?" Kate couldn't help but laugh at her friend, she had the caffeine intake of Gibbs, the rambling stories of Ducky and the energy of Tony if he was on crack, well the normal Tony, the man she saw today was so far from his normal self she barely even recognised him.

"Well, no actually, I don't think we do... but we could talk to the Director and see if he wants one!"

McGee was getting impatient with the girls ignoring him on what seemed like an unusually slow elevator ride up to the bullpen "ABBY!" he shocked even himself at the level of which he spoke with.

"Sorry! What is it you wanted McGee?"

Embarrassed with himself he reverted back to his normal stuttering ways "Well... um... I need to know if... um... if a story Tony told me yesterday was... um... true or not... you see... well um... you've been here longer than... ah... Kate and I, and you were here before Tony... so... ah..."

"So you thought you would ask the all seeing, all knowing, powerful Wizard of Oz aka me, for the answers you seek?"

"Well... yeah."

As the elevator arrived at their level the three of them got out of the box but didn't bother to move away from the closing door.

"Go ahead Timmy, I'll answer whatever it is to the best of my ability, just as Dear Abby should!"

"Is it true that an agent... a um... a probationary agent, lost a... a limb while working a case?" Both McGee and the previously sceptical Kate knew that there must have been some truth to the story when Abby turned paler than she already was and began to look worried.

"Oh my God, so it is true? I thought Tony was just bullshitting us like he normally does. I overheard him mentioning something about it to another agent once but I didn't believe it was true!"

It took the scientist a moment to regain her composure and when she did she slipped on a mask that, while not half as good as one of Tony's, still would have convinced the two agents if the hadn't have seen her immediate reaction "Don't believe everything Tony tells you Kate, there has never been a 'probie' lose a limb on a case while I've been working here."

"But.. you just..."

"Just drop it McGee and don't go spreading those sort of stories around, they are horrible and there is no need for them, you got me? You too Kate. I don't want this story to become office gossip and if it does just remember I know how to kill a person or two and not leave any physical evidence!"

Kate and McGee shared another confused look between them, it was becoming a ritual that day whenever they asked someone about the story, first Gibbs, then there was the whole Tony weirdness and now Abby. It was starting to seem more like a conspiracy that everyone in the whole building was keeping from the pair.

The two agents began walking to their desks not noticing that Abby didn't follow immediately as she took a moment or two of deep breathing to get her mind back together. When she did, she was just in time to hear the female agent speak.

"Oh Gibbs is really going to kill him! He already had a go at Tony for coming into work late and now this..." All three of them stood in between Kate and Tony's desks staring at the agent as he slept, face buried in his arms on his desk.

It wasn't that unusual to see Tony seemingly asleep during work hours, especially when Gibbs wasn't in the office, but every other time it had happened it was either after a long night, with the Italian leaning back in his chair, feet resting on his desk or in the middle of an all nighter with him laying on the floor behind the desk with the chair moved out of the way. They had never seen him hunched over like he was now, at just after 1100 on a day filled with nothing but paperwork. 'Hell the case yesterday hadn't even been that demanding' Kate thought to herself.

"You know, he has been acting very strange all day. It's really weird." Kate moved closer to examine her partner, if it had been any other day she may have been tempted to take advantage of his state and pay Tony back for all the pranks he had pulled on her, today was different for some reason and she was curious to know why.

"Strange as in how?" Abby was starting to worry, she didn't want to say anything to Kate or McGee, but she knew that after the case yesterday and the gossiping between the other two, that Tony was in a very fragile state of mind.

"You would... uh say he was acting all... uh hinky. He..." Tims words were cut off by a soft whimpering coming from the sleeping form of the man. The sound was muffled slightly by his arms but it was still loud enough that they could hear it.

Three heads snapped towards DiNozzo and they were in shock, unsure at first if the sound had come from him but their suspicions were confirmed when just a second later he made the same pained sound.

"Did he just..." Kate nodded to McGee, she was the closest to Tony and heard the sound the clearest.

Abby, on the other hand, ignored him all together, rushing over to her friend and dropping to her knees to rub her hand up and down his arm, trying to wake him.

"Tony? Come on Tony it's me, Abs... can you wake up for me Tony?" There was no reaction from him at all and the Goth could feel he stomach doing flips with worry for him, she knew how the dreams played and in the middle of the office was not a place Tony would want to have one, "Come on Tony boy, time to rise and shine, we've got work to do! Gibbs is going to give you a massive head slap if he comes down here and sees you sleeping on the job... Please Tony baby you have to wake up."

Still unresponsive to Abby's attempts at waking him, Tony's whimpers turned into moans and they started to get louder and more frequent.

Kate and McGee had started to become worried as well for their friend and partner who was obviously in the midst of a bad dream. The fellow agents in the few desks surrounding Tony peered over the chest high dividers, curious at the noise.

By the time her sixth attempt at waking Tony failed Abby was almost in tears with panic, the sounds were increasing in both sound and frequency and every time they did more and more people became aware of them.

"Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" not knowing what to do herself any more, Abby was certain that if they had a chance at waking Tony before it got too bad they were going to need to get Gibbs. "Oh God! I can't wake him up! Oh God! Kate I need you to go get Gibbs from up in MTAC!"

When Kate just stood there staring at the scene before her Abby snapped "KATE! Get Gibbs NOW!"

It was so unlike Abby to react to anything the with as much force as she just did that it jolted Kate from her shock and she practically bolted up the stairs to MTAC, only pausing long enough to scan her eye to allow her entry.

Already seated in front of the large screen, Gibbs, Fornell and Director Morrow were interrupted from their discussion on the case when Kate came into the room practically panting from a combination of running and fear, calling for the team lead.

"What the hell is it Agent Todd can't you see we're in the middle of something?" Fornell was pissed at the ex-secret service agent for the interruption but did a double take when both Gibbs and Morrow were immediately out of their seats.

"Gibbs, Abby needs you down in the squad room! Now! Tony's asleep at his desk and Abby can't wake him. Gibbs, he's moaning like he is in pain..."

"Shit!" Gibbs looked over his shoulder at the director before he moved, as soon as Morrow gave the nod Gibbs was out of the room before he could even hear him finish his sentence.

"Jethro, he needs you, this can definitely wait."

"You're ending this meeting for an agent who took a nap at his desk?" Fornell was shocked at the NCIS director's complete lack of order. Storming out of MTAC Tobias was hot on the heels of the ex marine, prepared to give Gibbs and his agents a piece of his mind.

By the time Gibbs, Kate and Fornell had exited the Multiple Threat Assessment Centre, Tony's moans had turned into full blown screams with everyone on the floor gawking at the agent.

Ignoring his bad knee once again, Gibbs sprinted to the desk where his lover slept fitfully and took Abby's place beside him.

"Gibbs I tried but he wouldn't wake up, I didn't know what else to do!"

"It's ok Abby, you did the right thing." With his hand on the back of Tony's neck, Jethro leaned in and started talking quite loudly into the younger man's ear, trying to wake him from the painful slumber. "Come on Tony, ya gotta wake up, I know you said you need to have these dreams play out sometimes but you're not at home in bed and I know you aren't gonna want to have this happen here with all these lazy agents watching."

Whether it was Jethro's voice or the fact that the nightmare had played out, Gibbs wasn't sure, but he could tell that Tony was on the verge of coming too.

"McGee! Quickly hand me that trash can!" The young man didn't hesitate and within a second Gibbs had McGee's empty bin in his hands, just as Tony awoke and shot straight up, managing to catch his boss and lover's gaze for a moment before he was doubled over vomiting into the metal container.

Tony's heaving seemed to last longer than the bout he'd endured that very morning and he was unaware of his two team mates, one FBI agent, one crying Goth and the rest of the office that all stood around him in shock and disbelief at the events that had just unfolded. Gibbs rubbed circles on the man's back with the hand that wasn't holding the trash can and whispered calming words to him.

The retired sniper paled when he noticed blood in Tony's regurgitation, but he wasn't prepared to do anything about it until his lover was ready to be moved. Once the vomiting had come to an end Tony clutched onto Gibbs' shirt with two tight, white knuckled fists, sobbing with agony and terror.

"Do you think you can move?" the words were so soft and gentle that slipped from Gibbs mouth, that Kate and McGee now shared their new confused look with the FBI agent, all were still too stunned to speak.

Shaking his head into the man's chest the still sobbing special agent gulped at the air trying to breathe.

"Abs, let Ducky know that Tony and I will be down in a minute."

"No! Not autopsy... not now... can't" Abby paused on the spot when she heard the determination between the sobs, she had been headed to the elevator to go get Ducky up to date and prepared for Tony's arrival.

"Tony, I need Ducky to check you out, there was a bit of blood in what you just brought up and you know I'm just going to worry about it until I know for sure you are fine." Gibbs hand had moved from rubbing Tony's back to stroking his hair.

Ignoring the small 'shouldn't' that slipped out of Tony's mouth Gibbs continued also ignoring the audience they had. "We're in the middle of the bullpen, I know you and I know that you won't want to have Ducky check you out here."

"Hey, Tony, how 'bout you and Gibbs wait in my lab while I go get Duckman?" When Tony slowly nodded, Gibbs offered the forensic scientist a small grateful smile and Abby took off down the stairs allowing the elevator free for Tony.

"Alright I'm going to help you up now." Standing in front of his lover Gibbs wasn't prepared when Tony fell to the floor clutching his damaged leg in pain. They were just lucky that Tony hadn't been close enough to the desk to hit his head on the way down.

"Can't... hurts..."

Sweeping his eyes over the room in search for something to help Tony, Gibbs seemed to notice for the first time that their was an audience of NCIS agents watching his and Tony's every move.

"What the hell are you all staring at?" His booming voice frightened most of the observers enough that they went straight back to what they were doing before the spectacle that was one of Tony's nightmares. Ignoring them all once more, the silver haired man turned to Fornell

"Tobias I'm gonna need your help over here with DiNozzo. Need you to support his left side while I take his right." Much to Gibbs' appreciation the FBI agent didn't say a single word as he helped the other man pick Tony up off of the floor and practically dragged the whimpering man to the elevator.

Kate and McGee stood there not moving an inch as they watched the three men head to the lift. Tony in the middle of the two older men, an arm around each of their shoulders, resting heavily into Gibbs hold. They noticed that he still had tears streaming down his face as his left leg half dragged half hopped along the carpet, his right leg raised just above the floor so it wasn't touching anything.

From the other side of the partition Agent Balboa sighed and yelled to the rest of the onlookers to get back to work "You think just because Gibbs has left the room he won't go ape shit for your gawking?" he couldn't help but give a small grin when everyone jumped and went back to work.

Leaning over the wall he signalled Tony's two remaining team mates over to him. "First time you're both witnessing one of his nightmares?"

"He... he's had them before?" McGee received a nod in reply and was still to stunned to ask any more questions.

"This have anything to do with the Probie that lost his leg?" Kate not wanting everyone to hear due to her friend's earlier reaction when asked had moved to stand as close to Balboa as the wall would allow.

"Sorta..." upon receiving the questioning looks from both agents Balboa sighed "Well I'm sure you two are going to find out eventually... Tony, Gibbs, Pacci and I all worked the case at the live impact range when it happened."

"So you're saying Tony actually witnessed the Probie that got blown up?" She felt sick to her stomach and wondered how she would cope if she saw something like Tony had, it wouldn't surprise her if her dreams would be as bad as the one her partner just had.

"Something like that..."

"Like that?"

"It wasn't exactly a Probie who was injured..."

"What... What do you mean... it uh... wasn't exactly...a um... Probie." Part of McGee was glad that it wasn't someone like him who had been injured, but there was still that part of him that was scared because he knew he wasn't going to like what her heard.

"The agent was new to NCIS but he'd worked in law enforcement before he joined..." he watched for a minute as the two agents processed the information before continuing. "The agent had previously worked as a detective for homicide in Baltimore..." Balboa saw the exact moment when Kate and McGee realised the truth.

"You mean..."

Balboa nodded again but the female agent seemed disbelieving. "It can't be! He seems perfectly fine!"

"He did come into work this morning with a limp... and it would explain the... you know" McGee said as he turned to Kate.

"You might want to get rid of the trash can and the chair before he gets back."

"The chair?" Kate and McGee were like a mirror image of each other as they questioned what Balboa said in unison, both turning to face the seat that Tony had occupied minutes earlier, matching looks of confusion plastered on their faces.

"Is that..." noticing the damp patch on the seat for the first time the two agents had moved beyond shock. Kate's question remaining unanswered as neither her nor McGee noticed Balboa had moved away.

Though Tony, Gibbs and Fornell had long disappeared behind the closed doors the two newer members of team Gibbs switched from looking at the dark, wet spot on the cushioned seat to the silver doors of the elevator.

Inside the elevator both Gibbs and Tony had slid down onto the floor, resting in one corner, Gibbs arms wrapped protectively around the younger man while he continued to cry.

Fornell still was yet to say a word verbally but the looks which he sent to Gibbs, which the NCIS agent shook off, said enough.

Resting his chin on his partner's head, Jethro kept repeating to him that everything was going to be alright, that he was no longer in that field.

"It... it happened again didn't it..." Tony's words were spoken as a statement so they didn't require an answer, still his lover placed a soft kiss on the top of Tony's head confirming what he already knew to be true "I...I don't think I can do this any more Jet..."

For the first time since they had left MTAC, Tobias Fornell noticed the tears which hung in the blue eyes of Leroy Jethro Gibbs, threatening to fall, and it became obvious that deep down his friend's heart was breaking.

* * *

A/N: Sorry that you had to wait a few days, the muse took a long weekend and I have also damaged the beautiful left shift key on Sylvia my laptop and now it is a bit loose... much like a tooth that is still hanging on by the tiniest strand of gum that will occasionally pop out but can fit right into its original position. Poor Sylvia, if she was actually a person there is a good chance I would be charged with domestic abuse.

Thanks for the reviews, alerts etc. it really helped to get this out quicker. I will try to and reply to all of them asap.

Thoughts?


End file.
